Have you ever had a deep heartfelt longing for something?
As I look around, I am awe struck at the number of children being born in today's world. I work with toddlers every day and I can't even explain in words the joy that comes from being able to be an important part of their world. Every time I see a newborn, I find myself smiling and wanting to reach out and touch just as when I see a little one learning how to use their legs and their feet together something inside me longs to reach out and help guide them. New life is so precious and fragile, I love being able to watch as the lil ones become the big ones and the big ones become the adult ones---it brings my heart so much joy.
In all this looking around, I can't help but wish in my heart that I had a new life springing from my womb. A precious little gift, that God sent to bring me joy (and I'm sure at sometimes pain, lol) and for me to love and care and bring up to serve, love and know Him. The more the days pass, the deeper the longing in my heart becomes and the more I pray and ask God for peace of mind with this. I guess, my mother's intuition is kicking in and I'm eager to revel in the joys of motherhood. Lately, I've picked up a few pounds and developed a couple of weird cravings, but sadly, I don't think there's anything to it. It's crazy, but I get kind of sad when that time of the month comes now because it serves as a reminder that I have yet to be able to revel in the joys of motherhood. God created me to nurture and to care for others and while in the past I've been scared of having my own children, now I want them with a passion.
I have everything I could ever ask for and yet, I'm still longing for something else. I'm not ungrateful for the things that I do have or the place that I am in life, it's just that I feel kind of unfulfilled. Being a mom would be the greatest, most wonderful gift in the world to me right now. Friends, do you think that it's bad that I feel this way?
